CHEESY....

STUPID....

and UTTERLY

USELESS.

BIGGEST WASTE OF TEN SECONDS OF MY LIFE

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WORST NON-PORN SITE ON THE INTERNET
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*** Click the icon above to view my "Secret Diary" 

ORIGINAL NON-TWEETS WITHOUT F'CKING #HASHTAGS
WELCOME TO THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD!  IT'S A LITTLE NUTS IN HERE!

"Finding money in your pocket when you thought you had none is like winning a million dollars."

Nov 11, 2016

"The real end of the world is the day you die, not when the universe ends."

Nov 9, 2016

"Life is so resilient if there were only two people left on Earth regardless of sex, they would find a way to reproduce."

Jun 25, 2016

"If any new sacred text was published on the internet, not many people would believe it even if it were true."

Apr 24, 2016

"It's the most difficult and impossible thing to recreate something that's already happened."

Mar 6, 2016

 

"Time is just a reference point for the conscious mind to measure its own mortality."

Oct 18, 2015

 

"In gambling, breaking even is more fun than winning."

Oct 3, 2015

 

"Making more money is the best and fastest way to obesity."

Sep 1, 2015

 

"What a great and endless struggle for a few fleeting moments of happiness!"

Aug 19, 2015

 

"Life is all about being irrational about life."

Aug 5, 2015

 

"If you start seeing patterns in roulette, that's just randomness f'cking with you."

Aug 2, 2015

 

"#1 show in the galaxy: The soap opera called 'Earth.'"

Jul 26, 2015

 

"We are born fearing nothing but learn to fear everything."

Jul 22, 2015

 

"The entire world needs to jump on one side of the see-saw so we can find the balance."

Jul 18, 2015

 

"Thinking about death and feeling you are going to die are two opposite things."

Jul 17, 2015

 

"Anniversaries are just another excuse to eat cake."

Jul 14, 2015

 

"Artificial intelligence will be most dangerous when it learns the art of manipulation."

Jul 13, 2015

 

"Your Sunday fun day is someone else's Monday shun day (or vice versa)."

Jul 12, 2015

 

"The only way to stop modernity is to build a time machine."

Jul 8, 2015

 

"Until continental drift forms the next Pangea, nothing wrong with finding your national identity again."

Jun 7, 2015

 

"There were two Big Bangs.  The creation of the Universe and the moment you were conceived.  The latter is the most important."

Jun 30, 2015

 

"Money is a means of trade and should not be used to score the game of life."

Jun 20, 2015

 

"Vincent Van Gogh didn't paint to get paid but to get laid."

Jun 17, 2015

 

"Everyone, even Isaac Newton, lost all sense of logic while in love.  And that is why Newton died a virgin."

Jun 13, 2015

 

"If there isn't a possibility of failure it probably won't be that much fun."

Jun 13, 2015

 

"Lowering your expectations is the key to happiness."

Jun 9, 2015

Welcome to my website of blatant humblebraggery and tomfoolery!!!

 

About a decade ago I had a website of shameless self-promotion that I took down because I thought the internet was going to be a fad that went away like the Walkman, Ugg boots, and the Republican Party.  Who would have known the internet would become this huge sensation that smart white/asian kids use to exploit and moneterize so they can indirectly widen the gap between the rich and the poor while destroying the need for personal touch and communication?....Well, I didn't!!!

 

So I decided to get back in on the world wide web bandwagon to get my scrap of the multibillion dollar ad revenue pie.

 

On this site you will find things that I've written and films that I have made the past ten years or so.  Feel free to steal any ideas to place in your screenplay or blog or wedding vow (I stole all my material from some Russian dude I met in Queens.  I think his name was Fyodor Dostoyevsky).  I'm currently writing a novel set in the financial services industry and I'll be posting the first few chapters here soon (Feel free to steal from that too you g'damn plagirisers!).

 

Due to the amount of self-indulgence and bragging on this site, please look out for the "Humblebrag Alert" sign below.

These will be placed indiscriminately throughout each page.  Also, if you click on the sign it may open something special.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the Queen of England used to say to her bitches, "Godspeed my bitches!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another..”

 

--Ernest Hemingway, "The Sun Also Rises"

"I don't have a Napoleon complex.  I am Napoleon."

Jun 6, 2015

 

"All animals use the scientific method.  They just don't know how to write it down."

Jun 1, 2015

 

"Good music is popular music voted by good voters."

May 28, 2015

"Life is like being stuck in a casino, so make sure you have enough change to play the slot machines."

May 17, 2015

 

"Nothing has a cause until it happens."

Apr 25, 2015

 

"It's funny how kids are made from the most gross and selfish act."

Mar 27, 2015

 

"The meaning of life is to constantly improve and advance the human species through the generations."

Mar 27, 2015

 

"If you have a lot of selfies on your phone you are probably not a model."

Nov 29, 2014

 

"The goal of life is to increase your chances of getting lucky."

Jun 12, 2014

 

"There are a few moments in life when you just have to eat at an Olive Garden."

Apr 12, 2014

 

"On selfies:  There's a reason no one wants to take your picture."

Jan 18, 2014

 

"You can't throw Superman under the bus.  You might break the bus."

Jan 1, 2014

 

"Poker Tip#1:  You can't bluff a bluffer.  You can't manipulate a manipulator.  You can't bullshit a bullshitter.  So to get better at poker, get better at bluffing, manipulating, and bullshitting." 

Feb 10, 2013

"THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS" (a la RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN)
MY TOP TEN FILMS:

 

1.  Lawrence of Arabia

2.  8 1/2

3.  Annie Hall / Blazing Saddles (tie)

4.  Vertigo

5.  Pulp Fiction

6.  Taxi Driver

7.  Dr. Strangelove

8.  Lost in Translation

9.  The Dark Knight

10.  Rushmore

MY TOP TEN ALBUMS:

1.  "Kind of Blue" - Miles Davis

2.  "What's the Story (Morning Glory)" - Oasis

3.  "Parachutes" - Coldplay

4.  "My Favorite Things" - John Coltrane

5. "Abbey Road" - The Beatles

6.  "O.K. Computer" - Radiohead

7.  "Continuum" - John Mayer

8.  "The Fall" - Norah Jones

9. "Back to Black" - Amy Winehouse 

10.  "In Between Dreams" - Jack Johnson

 
MY TOP TEN "FAVORITE THINGS:"

 

1.  Girls.

2.  Girls.

3.  Jay-Z's "Girls, Girls, Girls."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.  My dogs - Felicia and Dougie

 

 

 

 

 

5.   Fantasy football

6.   Sports betting/no-limit hold'em

7.   Las Vegas

8.   Britpop

9.   Playing instruments (musical)

10. Writing / Making Movies (porn)

"Is John Mayer trying to seduce you???"

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